家庭是个大课堂

蓝田日暖

大年初一或初二基本会去看电影了，这次大概可以边喝咖啡边电影，全程不用离坐。如果好看的话，可以两刷三刷。已经开始想象和期待好看的路演，以及电影中的丰富互动了。培育和保有幸福的期待本身就是一种幸福，发生在此时此刻的幸福。

老妈总是有事做的，她，尤其是她的手很难停下来。以前我说过，她是行动派，我是思想派，这句话依旧有效。我手接触最多的就是键盘，电脑键盘和手机键盘，我主要是在打字和写东西。我妈就不一样了，她拿铲子烧菜，她揉面做菜包肉包白馒头，她踩缝纫机，她收齐材料做棉鞋……但有一点和我很像，她做这些事的时候超级专注，其他人最好别去打扰她。我以前也这样，别人中途来打扰我，我会立刻不耐烦，但最近基本不会了，因为已经学会在短暂的“干扰”后迅速高质量回归之前的活动。

仔细想来，她算是很能自娱自乐的人。别人夸赞她，她当然也喜欢；但她做这些事主要是自己喜欢，所以在某些人看来，她可能“没苦硬吃”。明明可以手机上点一点就买几双棉鞋，她硬是要花很长的时间自己做。她会对着麦克风自己一个人唱歌，最近在厨房哼歌的时间也明显增多了。此外，和老爸一样，两人都开始听有声故事。

突然想起小时候，如果我真的病恹恹，我是的确能得到特殊照顾的，所以生小病也不是绝对的坏事。但如果换个家庭，我大概压根不会想生病，但我妈是那种如果你生病，她会很温柔很耐心的人。她决不会雪上加霜，和你说，“你怎么就那么弱，这么点事就生病？有没有用啊？”这一点，到现在依旧如此。简单来说，遇到她认为处于困境需要帮助的人时，她会变得耐心细致有爱，她会努力鼓励你。。。。。。某些情况下，这样的人和这样的态度真的可以救命。

蓝田日暖

果然这几天零食吃多了，上称一站，结果明明白白。

我要求不高，只要维持在某个数值以下，于是立刻决定接下去几天减少零食增加运动量。很快迎来最重要的一步，计算热量。这次的情况和上次吃话梅糖一样，我在赵一鸣零食店买了一款特别合胃口的鹌鹑蛋豆干，然后就哐哐猛吃。认真计算了一下热量，好家伙一小包有70多卡，前一天，我大概吃了至少有十几包，搞不好有二十几包，汗！

知道了热量，问题就好解决了，当天晚上我吃了两小包就打住了，这天快走比平时多了一个小时。第二天，下午的咖啡换成了几乎无热量的纯美式，没有加糖和加奶，早上和晚上喝的旧街场白咖啡，热量还行。并没有特别节食，按照优先等级，先减的必然是零食，咖啡是不会减少的，顶多不加糖不加奶。

两天后，目标实现，而且不存在食物方面的剥夺感。主要原因就是除了咖啡，我对其他东西没有执念，不注意的时候是会多吃，但意识到热量过高的话，也很容易调整进食量，少吃就少吃，没什么大不了的，内心几乎不会有什么纠结。

蓝田日暖

看《黑白诀》，体会到了某种独特的满足感。

电视剧里出现了这样一个场景：两主角千辛万苦救出来的人质高烧躺在卫生院的病床上，因为某个特别的理由，两主角必须在走廊尽头的座机旁打电话，此时那个逃走的绑架犯又返回，打算再度劫持人质。

好家伙！这两幅画面一前一后，再反复几次，观众的心不就吊起来了。一旦那劫匪真的把人质带走，观众绝对要开骂，而且会骂得很难听。事实上，有上帝视角的观众已经在弹幕里骂人了，“这么重要的时刻，你俩就不能留一个在病房吗？”而实际上，那个具体的场景还真需要两人同时在电话机旁轮流通话。有观众立刻会说：那好歹找一名护士或者病人家属帮忙留意下吧。。。。。。

我期待这剧情不要陷入老套，不然也太无趣了。而且我也不想加入骂骂咧咧的行列。好在，出乎意料的是，在劫匪即将要将人质带离时，老警察眼尖发现他们，几乎在同时年轻警察果断拔枪射中了劫匪，他们成功救回人质。

Bravo!就该这样，总算有点点新意，也让观众把心放下来，减少因骂骂咧咧带来的戾气。

这是什么？这是名副其实的有惊无险。

蓝田日暖

What I like:

I like walking fast in the open air, surrounded by lush trees and beautiful flowers, under the crystal-clear dome, while accompanied by resonating music.

I like exploring what I truly like, prefer and want to have/own/do now. Because they are so important for me to live as fully as I can. And they definitely change as time goes by.

I like observing closely flowers and ancient-style architecture. I like the abundant colors and shapes in flowers and I like the serene feeling those ancient-eaves and brass bells look to my eyes. I see pure beauty in them.

I like knowing what kind of relationships I prefer. When I see people quarrel for simple things, I want that we are all stable and respectful enough to treat each other nicely. To speak to each other nicely. To be understanding and allowing so-called mistakes. I like true harmony and maturity in relationships. I like the natural willingness to do things for each other, just because we have love in our hearts. I like that we like staying together and so we stay together; otherwise we do our own things, not needing to force ourselves to be together, sit together, or go some place tother for this or that reason. I like experssing my appreciation and thankfulness. I like saying "thank you." I like noticing and milking the love flowing in this family. I like that I was very happy to see my aunts and my cousins the other day. I sat next to my paternal aunt and uncle and I filled their cups with hot tea. We feel happy for each other's happiness though we may not understand why certain things or activities make them happy. But now that they are genuninely happy, we get happy too. It's wonderful to explore and get better at effectively soothing and encouraging people...

I like stories. I like interesting stories. I like cute stories. I like romantic stories. I like mind-exciting detective stories. I like stories oozing unique feelings /atmospheres/auras. I like funny stories. I like stories portraying growth and expansion in areas I am interested in, such as Minning Town. I like writing stories. I like exploring themes, atmospheres, characters, situations, and twists and turns in stories.

I of course love music and will love music forever. I am uplifted by the combinations of beautiful sounds in music--human voices, instrumental sounds, the breeze blowing softly, ocean waves patting the beach, etc.

I like the beyond-description cuteness of kids. They bring the world great joy by their bright and curious eyes, adorable giggles, unexpected cute syllables, and on and on. They gently rest on your shoulder, your arm or your leg, resting or sleeping. They swim upon your body when you take them out for fun. They scream joyfully...

I like becoming more and more unconditionally lighthearted. When I notice I am making a fuss, I would like to guide my thoughts into a more open-minded, positive way. I would like to remind myself of the futility of these attitudes. For me, lightheartedness is an amazing and attractive state of being.

蓝田日暖

老妈买的破壁机到了，这下现磨豆浆不用滤渣了，还能给小娃儿榨果汁、做辅食，挺好。下午又在京东上买了一个面条机，可以做三种尺寸的面，两种宽面，一种圆面，当然又是给她买的。我不怎么爱吃面，就偶尔吃吃兰州炒拉面。我不爱做饭，对厨具可说是一无所知，她说要什么样的，按照关键词搜到了就给她下单了。双十一，总算在今天下午凑上了一次满三百减五十活动，其他东西基本都是直接打折的。

晚上在外面吃了炸虾排咖喱蛋包饭，还不错，但里面的土豆不行，总体感觉是：可以，但没什么特别的，还不如他家的炸鸡排拌饭。

走回家的路上想起在b站发现的精神状态超前的剪辑师金渐层烤猪，又是一口气看了他/她的几个叶问视频和封神视频，一路看，一路笑出猪叫——这次是真的笑夸张了，都发出了呼噜声。其实昨天就在频道里看了叶问剪辑，看完一个视频，突然就想回顾这部电影，趁爱奇艺会员还在，立刻看了第一部的前三十分，然后就暂停了，打算慢慢看，专注地看。毕竟这部电影是用心而高质量的，在人设、布景和动作设计上都花了大量心思，值得细细欣赏。。。。。。

蓝田日暖

Evening appreciation:

I am used to reading e-books. It's so convenient to read books on the phone. This is my preferred way of reading--I reading books and articles and information on computers, laptops and smartphones. When I sat in a dessert shop, I felt like reading A Dream of Red Mansions and immediately I found it on my phone. I picked the chapter where Lin Daiyu first went to her grandmother's mansions. Again, I got interested in the setting and those specific elements of architecture. I tried to imagine them in my mind's eye. I also did some searching. I like the state of being interested in something, regardless of the subject. For example, in the past few days, I was watching parts of the Ip man series because they are well-made movies with vivid and interesting characters. But according to my own preferences, I would skip some of the brutal fighting scenes.

I enjoyed shopping during the 11.11 spree though I was not fanatic. I just got the white coffee and the shop owner gave me 3 extra pieces. I got two pairs of sneakers. I deliberately calculated and got some bonuses for what we as a family bought. Good!

Yesterday, I spent 75 minutes creating the new chapter of the novel. I was fully focused. I got into another world. Words were naturally flowing out. The characters were all lovely. So glad that I decided to write novels three months ago. What a wonderful way to focus my mind and attract inspirations! It is one of the activities most ringing my bells. It must have newness and creativity otherwise I wouldn't write. When something is related to an amazing story, it immediately becomes more meaningful and attractive to me. It could be a very small, decrepit house, but so warm and unique, because the family living there are loving toward each other. They support each other and are making the best of the house, not complaning at all. In a word, all wonderful things are possible in stories.

I love coffee. I love music. I love thinking, exploring and writing. I love watching, reading and listening to stories. I love walking and taking in the beauty around me. I love that I always have abundant consecutive free time to fully enjoy them.

I love seeing the great love oozing from my parents especially when they are with my little niece. I am glad that when they love like that, they are the direct beneficiary of the love. Loving feels so good. It's hard to not love my niece. she easily brings joy to people around her. She is cute, adorable, funny, happy, loving and beautiful.

...

蓝田日暖

这个双十一买了不少东西。以下对话差不多发生了两三次。

老妈说还要买什么。

我告诉她，“下午/晚上吧，吃不消了，现在不搞这个了。”买一两样东西，且要求简单又清晰，那是没问题的。但购物这件事，一旦买的东西增多，要求又细的话，在我就会变成一项苦差事，很容易让我烦躁的事，所以我选择分开进行，一次买几样，一天顶多两次。

在与人相处时，基本上我会明确表达自己的想法。我会尽量在烦躁之心升起之前告诉别人，现在我不适合做某事，或者现在我有事需要独处，等等。身边的人知道我的脾气，当我这么说了之后，他们不会强求。

在我状态好时，等我恢复好状态后，我会主动去协助，去帮忙，去合作。完全自愿，发自内心。为什么？因为我最喜欢的就是这类型的互动，当涉及到一方帮助/协助一方时。大方询问，人家愿意帮忙，很好，感谢；如果人家帮不了，决不强求，想其他办法——这也很棒，但我更喜欢前者。源于自然的互帮互助心理，不仅双方受益，而且时机往往也好——对方很可能依旧处于良好状态，此时得到他人的协助，属于锦上添花，他们可以带着一个好心情去做其他需要做或想做的事。很多时候，当人们开口求助时，他们已经处于疲倦的状态，事情扎堆的状态，或者负面情绪要升级或者已经升级的状态——别人的帮助可以使他们获得喘息的机会，但谈不上会有多好的状态。

如果对方很少求助于人，不喜欢求助于人，当他/她向你求助时，能帮就帮吧。这个时候，你立刻答应帮忙真的就是帮了大忙，因为他们正处于不得不求助的艰难境地。

作为一个整体而言，比如一个家庭，自愿而默契的互帮互助，可以使不必要的内耗降到最低，可以提升每个人的状态，可以达到事半功倍的效果。

蓝田日暖

My Abundance

From time to time, I explored the next chapter of the novel. And when I sat on the bench in the shopping mall, I felt like writing it out and so I did. I was highly focused, letting the scenarios flow out in the form of words on my phone. After 80 minutes, I finished the writing re-reading and I felt quite satisfied. I shared it online. I like this kind of high quality creations. I enjoy the whole process of writing--the exploring, the learning and accumulating new words and the smooth writing. When it is inspired writing, it definitely feels extra good.

I was watching A Dream of Red Mansions on my computer and this time, this vivid story in the form of TV series appeared much more interesting and satisfying after my immediate reading of certain chapters of the book. I especially liked observing what those characters wore and the decorations of their living rooms and bedrooms.

I sat comfortably on my chair with the hot coffee on the left side of the computer desk. I held the thermos, deliberately thinking my thoughts and making them clear and benficial, while sipping the hot Americano with a little sugar and milk. There are so many things I am interested in and benefit by pondering them.

...

蓝田日暖

啥也不知道地出了门，出了门才知道一件外套根本不挡风，但懒得回家去穿，一意孤行继续往前走。

选了一条相对新的路，当然是来过的，只是不常来，有学校，有大量的食店和小商铺，这时候就发现大商场和公园的重要意义了，有它们就意味着有公共卫生间。而这地方，少有的，不容易找到公共卫生间，因为连稍微大一点的KFC也没有。不过，来着吃饭的人真不少，大中型中餐馆扎堆。

终于走到江边，对面的山在烟气中若隐若现，江堤的草坪上布满黄红落叶，而宽阔的人行道却无比干净。该怎么说呢？得感谢环卫工人恰到好处的打扫，该扫的扫，该留的留。风大地湿无法阻挡钓鱼佬的热情，依旧有人包裹严实在江边垂钓。

长长一条通道把左侧的建筑工地和右侧的车道隔开，原本是人行道，现在为了安全，整个围起来，只剩前后两个入口。想来是怕盖房时不小心掉东西砸到路人，所以加了盖，走了好一会，突然怀疑前面没有出口，而是建筑工地的入口，好在一位妇人路过，我问了她确定可以走，才继续往前。

本来想去家人的新屋那里坐坐，结果他们通通出了门，索性在那温暖的大厅沙发上坐了一会，暂时离冷风远一点，居然靠着小憩了半个小时。坐上公交车在美团点了份滑蛋饭，那家店有实体店，还是双层的，几次路过都因为种种原因没进去，但有实体店的应该比专门做外卖的靠谱一点。结果是失望的，倒是没有异味，但样子一般，与其说是滑蛋饭，不如说是加了菜和鸡肉丁的鸡蛋饼，那个鸡肉丁的颜色会让我觉得加了色素，尽管也许只是因为特别腌制过。吃完的小结是：如果要吃滑蛋饭，还不如去之前去的那家商场，至少颜值高，炸鸡块也够多够好吃。

蓝田日暖

又去吃了拌饭，这次换了个口味。到那儿的时候差不多坐满了，我挺高兴——生意不错哦！其他不说，基于一个很私人的理由，我也希望它生意不错，因为我不想它开了没多久就关门，那就意味着我少了个吃饭的地方。

仔细想想相当有趣，我第一次和第二次来的时候，人很少，该怎么说呢？氛围有点丧：人少，服务员事情不多；没什么事做的服务员并不因此而感觉轻松，他们有点丧。至于丧的理由，我就不猜测了。但我知道有一种人是会受环境影响的，清冷的生意会让他们丧，尽管这不是他们的生意，尽管他们可以少干些活。

但这一次就不一样。其中一个很重要的原因就是店主，或者说主管在。他穿得很休闲，很投入，忙东忙西，并没有在监督员工。而是接单，把电子叫餐器放在桌子上，告诉我它一叫就去柜台取餐。然后，他进了厨房和厨师说话。接着，他出来又收拾起了隔壁桌。该怎么说呢？整个空间充满了一种忙中有序的人气，工作人员也很积极，至少面上看不出丧的气息。

我说样子好看的蛋包饭就是这家的，但我还是更喜欢他家的拌饭。客人来了又走，等我出门时，门口两张并排的桌子上坐了一桌学生，穿着校服，青春快乐，每人面前放着从其他店买的饮料，不是奶茶就是手打柠檬汁。

我下楼时转过了一家甜品店，上次在那儿吃过一回，印象最深刻的是那位给我点单的美女，说话的时候差不多接近气若游丝了，让我怀疑她是否已经抑郁了一段时间，或者只是因为很不喜欢眼下的工作。

蓝田日暖

以前看过一本书，里面讲到好多种心理误区，什么非黑即白啦，那时候都是让读者看看自己有没有这种情况，如果出现这类情况的话，该如何改变。但实际上，当这类心理出现在其他人的言行上时，也该同样重视。因为这类心理误区极有可能就是因为身边人的言行造成的，用当下的网络语来说，就是很可能人是有人PUA了你。

要不要深究PUA你的人的动机，你自己决定；可以别管这些，而是立刻抓住对方话中的问题，然后不买账，至于要不要当场对着干，那也是看情况，可能会出现多种效果。

我以前常会经历的场景是：

有人会说，“你怎么一直犯……错误。”而事实上，我很少犯这样的错误，偶尔为之。

有人更厉害，会说，“其实我不想说的，你这么大个人，你……”



不买账，云淡风轻，让事情尽快过去，是不错的选择。

吵一吵也很好：

“什么一直？哪里一直了？你倒是一一举出来啊。”

“犯错怎么了？人活着能不犯错吗？你犯错的时候，我这样说你了吗？我揪着你不放了吗？”

……

蓝田日暖

在京东上买了个手摇式面条机，可以摇出圆面、窄面和宽面。双十一买的，一直没拆封，昨天老妈终于拆开了，还洗了洗晒在了阳台上。

我刚做完一件事，想了想，打开京东研究，打算一次性给她说明怎么安装和操作。好家伙，还好打开纸质说明书，看了一眼，立刻看到说不能水洗，弄湿了得立马擦干，用吹风机吹干。老妈就急匆匆去阳台回收面条机。

还好操作很简单，所以很快就在桌子上给她操作了如何固定和调档，搞定。我本人对此毫无兴趣，不过想到她需要，也就有耐心研究和展示一下了。

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韩剧出了部《再次拨打的电话》，说是晋江风味浓郁的霸总剧，而且运镜啥的相当不错，看了第一集，再看第二集，大概三分之一处暂停退出，看不下去了。不是说这个题材和风味它拍的不好，而是我暂时应该是无法欣赏什么霸总剧了，实在投入不进去。

《我是刑警》终于上映了，已经连载至第五集。前三集看得很过瘾，节奏快，而且喜欢那浓郁的年代感和北方资源城市的独特冬景。演员演技没的说，强烈期待富大龙的出现。但第四集和第五集，就我个人的喜好而言，节奏稍微慢了一点，两三年前我应该会喜欢，那时候很能接受这种节奏，现在的话，就觉得有些部分缩减一点也无妨，该表现的情绪已经表现到位，不必那么长。一边看一边还在小本子上记了四五个北方方言——火刺棱的，格楞眼，杀猪菜，刀枪炮等的。好笑的是，剧里面的一个本地人也不知道格楞眼是啥。

现阶段看电视剧还是特别关注布景，为此津津有味地看红楼梦，为的就是看那些建筑、服装、首饰和日常用品。当然重点是看那些对自己而言较为陌生故而有新鲜感的布景，所以偶像剧就失去了它们的魅力，因为太过熟悉了。

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抱着小娃儿出去耍，她真的重了，加上穿了厚外套，等我在外面转了一圈时，右手感觉快断了。不过，有一说一，我手臂力量本来就弱，厨房拿炒锅的时候尤其明显，单手几乎拿不稳。在外面走还要时不时往下瞅瞅，就怕她的裤子缩上来，漏出小腿受风。一天不知道要给她穿多少次袜子，不是被她蹬掉，就是被她拿手主动脱掉的。

晚上在外面快走了一个小时，回家路上看到一个小男孩坐在儿童车里，右脚裤腿卷得老高。难道他很热？他的爷爷奶奶，或者外公外婆，走在他后边。我想了想，还是走回去提醒了一句，他们感谢了我，蹲下去把小孩裤子拉了下来。

其实，我也不确定那小孩自己有没有感到冷，也许他并不冷，但是旁观者——尤其是我这种怕冷的人，会觉得露着小腿终归不好。

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。。。。。。。

蓝田日暖

My Abundance

It is fresh and beautiful outdoors. Trees are mostly flourish with more colors. I see golden, orange and red colors on lofty trees in the park. I like walking in the warm sunlight in the late autumn. I feel blessed to easily appreciate and enjoy the natural beauty surrounding me. After the long walk in the park, I went to the nearby shopping mall. I got myself a cup of milk tea from a new beverage shop and sat down. There were lots of tables and chairs on the second floor for whoever come and visit. I sipped the tea and started writing the new chapter of the novel. Life exepriences let me know more clearly what kind of events I wanted to put into my writing. And what kind of interactions I would like to give to the main characters. I rarely wanted to spend my time writing a quarrel full of dog blood. I would rather explore with more detail what mutual respect, understanding and support really means in real communications among people. So, my writing is multi-functional: I not only enjoy playing with words, I also use it to get new clarity about relationships. Usually I spend 1 to 2 hours writing in a very focused and smooth way. I am totally invested in a good-feeling manner. I feel happy. I like noticing the unexpected words, sentences and scenarios come out in the form of words. I write what ring my bells. I write what I like. I write because it pleases me; and forever, this is most important. And all other results are icing on the cake.

A happy life consists of a series of happy moments/hours/segments/activities. I feel blessed to continually love and enjoy music and stories. I especially like playing music when I walk in the natural beauty. It's like I am moving in a poetic MV. I am still in love with wonderfully written and directed detective stories. I just found a quality one and I can watch it on a daily basis. Recently I am interested in learning Chinese idioms and often I spend half an hour learning and understanding them every day.

I get to see the little angel almost day. I can observe cuteness of abundant kinds on her face, on her giggling, on her calling us softly, and on her swimming upon our bodies when she is excited. She just cares about living happily. She lives intuitively. And she is able to explore fun safely because there are loving adults keep her safe. And her body is extremely robust and so she can easily recover from certain discomfort.

...

蓝田日暖

My abundance:

I was watching a drama, at first I didn't see it as quite attractive, but it fit some standards of mine. It was a lighthearted romantic show with some funny, cartoon-like scenes. And it followed the trope of two "lovers" reunining after misunderstanding when they were in the high school. I thought maybe I should give it up, but still I continued because I liked these two actors, and I liked watching something that was lighthearted and sometimes silly. I watched and skipped lots of the parts when they were in the high school, because I had no strong interest and I didn't know the younger actors. As time went by, I liked it more and more, though there was a main character written lazily as so-called a bit evil second femail lead. I went with the story so much so that I stopped skipping the high school part. I was impressed by the male leader's character--naive, silly, considerate and mature. For now, the deep love the male lead had for the female lead was described vividly and I am waiting for the female lead to show that too in the following episodes.

Where I am is fully vibrant in the winter with abundant colors in trees, espeically along the river. I could spend more than half hours just observing them and appreciating their beauty and elegance. I walk in the warm sunlight in the afternoon; I like sunny spring, autumn and winter afternoons here because I can directly walk in the open air with the sun shining upon me. I like walking and observing the nature. I like walking and enjoying the music. I like the fresh air, the crystal clear sky, lush trees and neat streets. I like the wide and long river with clear waving water supporting cruises and fishing boats. I like sitting next to the willow trees and laying my eyes on the birds in the sky...

I like the big shopping mall with so many diners and beverage shops and sitting areas. I like getting myself a cup of hot coffee and picking a seat in this robust atmosphere. I can do so many wonderful things on this tiny cute gadget--the smartphone. When I feel like writing, I write. I spend about one or one and a half hour writing the new chapter in such a smooth way. I write and then share, fully satisfied, refreshed and energized. I write what I like. I write what ring my bells. I explore desried aspects of all kinds of relationships and put them into my writing.

I have harmony with people. I appreciate people around me. I can easily find beauty, cuteness and many other positive aspects in people around me. These kids in my life are beautiful, cute, funny and full of curiosity toward the world. My sister-in-law and my brother share so many interests--they go to concerts together, they watch movies together, they watch basketball games together, they read something on the same phone and burst laughter at the same time, and they are both very loving parents. My mom willingly cooks for us. She can easily please herself because she knows what she likes and she does them. She makes snacks. She is a satisfied tailor. She likes sharing goodies with relatives and friends. She listens to music and audio stories. She likes singing songs. She is so so loving and patient in taking care of kids and sometimes people in need. My dad likes growing vegetables. He loves kids and likes taking care of kids. He likes music and audio stories. He willingly cleans up the house and amends stuff...

I like exploring and observing living environments all over the world, epseically those I didn't know before. I would be interested in the brick bed and those traditional stove northern citizens see every day. I would be interested in the color combinations and the furniture some nomadic families use in their yurts. I would be interested in gardens or yards and how different people use them differently. I don't have extremely strong obession with any of them; it's just that my eyes and my mind like knowing them and updating knowlege on this subject.

...

蓝田日暖

他/她/他们喜欢什么？他们想要什么？

老妈用手摇面条机做面条，面条机不凑手。这里不凑手，那里也有问题。我感到自己的心里有火在冒出来，我受不了抱怨。我本打算塞住耳朵听歌，但想了想，平静下来。

我站在她的角度，从她表述的问题中得出她想要的面条机。我喜欢解决方案导向，结论很简单，就是她想要一台高效凑手的面条机。或者说，她希望能够高效方便地操作面条机，做出喜欢的面条，不管是这台面条机，还是其他的面条机。

对别人抱怨烦躁的时候，我有时会有一种倾向，就是去否定别人的想法和感受。比如，别人说这个东西不好用，我可能会说不会吧，应该不是吧，可能你哪里操作错了。

但我内心并不想那么做。我不喜欢听人抱怨，没错。但我也不想否定别人当下的真实感受。也许，我可以通过某些话减少对方的抱怨，又不伤害对方的情感。也许，我可以把对话内容转向解决方案，是否成功另议。

反正，今天我不想去否定什么。

她说那个摇柄设计差，容易掉。我说是的，我认同，甚至连客服也认同。然后我说，可能价格低的就只能做到这样吧。或者这家公司就存在这个设计问题，下次可以换别家的。

她说那个面条出来的方向不对，麻烦。我重新看了下操作视频，拿了个盘子放在一边，用来接住压出来的面条，这样方便多了。

她说那个固定扣其实并不能很好地固定，我观察过后，也认同。她自己想了个主意，打算换张不一样的凳子，那样可能会更好一点。

。。。。。。


希望我们都能减少无效的抱怨时间，增加解决方案琢磨和获取的时间。一开始的抱怨可以让我们清楚自己真正想要的是什么，但在那之后，再抱怨通常就是重复无益的时间浪费了。

她想要什么？
她想要一台符合她多种需求的面条机，可以牢牢固定，操作凑手，手柄紧嵌机身、摇起来顺畅，容易清洗。

看在这台机器最终能压出满意面条的份上，她可以放下抱怨，耐心平静地使用它。或者，她可以在清楚了解需求的基础上，换一台新的，旧的就随它去、不必多想。

蓝田日暖

最近难得地看了两部日剧，一部是《狮子的藏身之处》，还有一部是《诚实房地产》，竟然看得津津有味。日剧集数短，大致在8到11集，加上常常喜欢励志，容易出现人物的前后转变过大的问题，不太符合实际，容易出戏，但限于时长，一集一个案子的话，且只有四十五分钟，很难描述得特别细腻。但，现在我喜欢这样，因为如果我愿意，我可以自己脑补，随心所欲又合乎逻辑地把中间的某些剧情补足，不影响我的观剧心情。

我在《诚实房地产》里看到了别人可能会忽略的。这部剧没有多少爱情元素，主角是以前谎话连篇的房产销冠永濑，再就是天真热血的新进职员月下，我还挺喜欢两人的互动，尤其是看了一些韩剧后，作为上级的永濑就更可取了。韩剧中的职场默认上级可以随意对待下属，辱骂，甚至肢体暴力。该怎么说永濑呢，他不算是一个用心的上级，但他不会对月下说重话，虽然认为她幼稚，但内心却还是佩服她客户至上的天真热血理念。她有问题咨询时，哪怕是下了班，他也还是愿意指教。她的案子有问题了，他会出面，很少说教，讲大道理。该怎么说呢？他俩的互动就给人一种清淡舒服的感觉。不是严师出高徒。也没有霸凌。师傅没有想过私藏，也没有想过什么倾囊相授，教出一个合格的徒弟。就是，你问我，我就回答，没必要隐藏什么。你有问题，我就想办法，一起解决。没想过主动表扬你，但也不会用语言打击你或谆谆教诲……总而言之，就是淡淡的，舒服的，偶尔会有明显一点的温暖感。

蓝田日暖

在看《清明上河图密码》时，万福一出来，弹幕上一片的“刀哥”和“唐小龙”。我会心一笑，因为看过《狂飙》，所以这几个名字很是亲切，虽然我并没有看完《狂飙》。又因为知道张颂文、周一围和林家川是多年的同学兼好友，所以看到这三人同框感觉也有点奇妙。这些感受都是因为过往经历和个人偏好引发的，没有看过《狂飙》的人，不知道三人关系的人，就不会有此种感受，更不会有瞬间的种种联想。《狂飙》里的演员去演其他电视剧，弹幕上往往都在叫他们在这部剧中的名字，看到阿如那就叫“李宏伟”，看到王潇禄会叫“疯驴子”或“迈克杰克驴”，也许脑子里立刻就浮现出他们的形象和经典事迹。

那么一起经历过许多事的家人呢？

也许可以狠狠笑一笑。

我和老姐可以回忆学生时代的经典场景，尤其是她的省钱妙招。她租漫画，大方的时候我可以看；缺钱的时候，她就要收我租金，大概是每本漫画书五毛钱吧。那时候租漫画的书店不少，生意好的基本开在学校附近，她不仅租漫画，租碟片，买磁带，还会买小贵的进口杂志。我在她那儿看了相当数量的日漫，偶尔有些台漫，这种喜好持续了很长时间，大学时开始在电脑上看电子版本的漫画。那个时候，她已经有收藏癖了，喜欢的东西经常买两份，一份不拆分，就这么放着，一份平时用来欣赏。就这么积了好几抽屉的磁带，成为时代的眼泪——录音机都没了，还听什么磁带啊！

。。。。。。

蓝田日暖

最近每天都会花三四十分钟学习成语，完全是因为兴趣，有那么一点点上瘾以至于哪天不学还会感到遗憾——嘿，今天不够时间学呢！

每个成语引发不同的情绪。有些因为太过熟悉和平常已感觉不到魅力。有些看过知道意思就算，压根不想用到写作中。有一些则极为奇妙，看完缘起后，会不禁感叹：哇哦！诗意！我喜欢……

松枝挂剑，单看这四个字，感受一般。但读完它的出处，了解它背后的故事，情绪就不同了。最后的结论是：我喜欢这个成语，非常喜欢。

出处：《史记·吴太伯世家》：“季札之初使，北过徐君。徐君好季札剑，口弗敢言。季札心知之，为使上国，未献。还至徐，徐君已死。于是乃解其宝剑，系之徐君冢树而去。从者曰：‘徐君已死，尚谁予乎？’季子曰：‘不然。始吾心已许之，岂以死倍吾心哉！’”

蓝田日暖

抽屉来顺滑，滋啦一下，她就打开了，从里面拿出一个透明袋，里面装着一块弥勒佛的小玉，不知道是谁的。

打不开袋子，她骂骂咧咧，但这骂骂咧咧听在我耳朵里只有可爱。我把玉拿出来放她手上，她抓得紧紧的。我的头很忙，一会再电脑上做点什么，一边跳转角度看看她在干嘛。看到她在啃玉，我就轻轻把她的手挪开，然后拿过那个袋子，“要不把它放进去吧？要不要。”

突然，她猛地摇了摇头，大声说道，“不要！”哈哈哈，我控制不住大笑，马上就要一周岁的娃儿第一次如此清晰地说出拒绝语——“不要”，值得高兴和庆祝。叫我叫了好几个月，发音还不清晰呢，“不要”俩字倒是说得分明。

昨天洗完头时变成个毛栗子，睡了几觉后成了莫西干。虽然不像她爸爸头发茂盛浓密，但担心是不必要的，她妈和哥小时候都这样，长大后头发自然就多了。她蛄蛹过来，一边叫着我，一边往我肩窝里拱，我又笑了起来，但不是因为发生了什么滑稽的事，而是脖子和肩窝那里有我的痒痒肉。

我果断挪开自己的咖啡保温杯，她就想模仿我用这个杯子喝东西。“以后，以后你就可以喝咖啡了。”她似懂非懂，我把她转了个方向，让她去探索其他角落。

。。。。。。

蓝田日暖

一出门，她的金豆子就停了。我们穿过两个红绿灯，来到全家便利店门口。我继续往前走，发现除了这家超市，新开的还有兰州拉面馆和沙县小吃。正当我掉头时，一个卷发小男孩从拉面馆里跑了出来，他进了全家便利店，我本来就打算去看看，就跟着他进去了。他不是来买东西的，他是来炫耀他的手表的，向那个之前正在忙碌的店主。店主停下手上的动作，微笑着听他说话，温柔地告诉小孩他也有块电子手表，就是今天没带来，明天拿来给他看。这时，我看清了小孩的脸！哈！太像我喜欢的某演员小时候了，卷头发，大大的眼睛，卷曲的睫毛，有点像混血儿，而且应该都是西北人。对全家的特色商品不熟悉，但大致估计里面的便当和关东煮应该不错，下次可以来买。旁边的兰州拉面馆，偶尔可以去吃个水饺。

冬至大家一起吃饭，小家伙特别喜欢吃羊肉、荸荠和羊肚菌。这次，他吃得又多又快，吃完就捡起吃饭前的兴趣，研究怎么摩擦生电，然后戳我脸，问我，“有没有电？”他妹妹则全神贯注听她奶奶唱歌，奶奶把蓝色话筒推给她让她唱，她很不乐意，立刻推还给她奶奶，让奶奶继续为她表演。她妈妈突然想到小家伙小时候唱跳小苹果的场景，立刻从手机里找到那段视频，大家一起欣赏一起笑。