家庭是个大课堂

蓝田日暖

Watching season 2 of Master of Medici, I couldn't help commenting on the character of the main lead, Lorenzo de Medici. Reallly?! Whoa! So unattractive his attitudes toward relationships were. Making love with a womon already got married, falling in love with a beautiful girl at first sight and offering grand marital promises to her, saying he would love her with all that he was and would be, and then going back to the woman and wanting to keep this affair forever. Umm. What else? Just deciding to marry his sister to a man she didn't like without informing her at all...Thanks to him, at least I know more clearly what I like on the subject of relationships and what kind of interactions I like seeing on couples. His attitudes and perspectives of romance and marriage were just so uninteresting and unpleasant to me.

However, I kept on watching, because my intention and focus were not upon romance or how it would please me. I was enjoying stories happening within a new-to-me background with abundant unique characters. I was interested in their reactions to the same situations. I would sometimes put myself in their shoes, donning very different personas, and imagine what I would behave in those situations. This is interesting to me. It opens my mind and broadens my vision, helping me collect all sorts of perspectives of life based upon various human traits...

As for characters in this tv series, I especially like the protrayal of Rinaldo Albizzi. He was an arrogant nobleman, wanting to crush the Medici and letting his family become the most important one in Florence. He would use almost all plots against his enemy, Cosimo de Medici. But that didn't mean he would go about it in hidden, nasty ways. He liked doing it in public. He was true to his ambition and wouldn't mind losing his life for it. He prefered execution to  excile. He wanted his family to still get a foot in Florence even that meant he should die for this. Though there were not many scenes showing his family, still I could feel the loving bond between him and his son. In a word, he is an interesting vivid character and the actor pulled it off.

...

蓝田日暖

我依旧对厨艺毫无兴趣，一心多用，菜刀在砧板上快速切菜时，我的思绪却去了另一个空间。手头事无趣时，我尽量一心多用，让思绪游移漂泊，无关此处。

我当然喜欢美食，但我随时可以放下对美食的执着，很多时候填饱肚子获得养料即可。对喝的，要求则更高一些，我总是希望手边有一杯够热且润口宜人的咖啡，于是我买了咖啡机。那段时间，我只喝黑咖啡，因其清口，其他加奶加糖的都嫌腻味。此前的想象不够贴近现实，我根本没有那么勤快，很快咖啡机开始积灰，再然后，经过简单擦拭，它隐身在了罩子下。随手一点就能来一杯现磨热咖啡，还不用自己洗机器洗杯子，与亲自操作咖啡机相比，点外卖或者直接去咖啡店的诱惑显然更大，于是我顺从了自己的懒惰。

我的口味又变了，重新喜欢上了加料的咖啡，主要是瑞幸的生椰丝绒拿铁。如此一来，家里的咖啡机就更派不上用场了，备料和步骤的增加，是对我耐心的极大挑战，何况我既没有现成的技术，又没有饱满的学习研究实践热情。于是，为了喝上一杯称心的咖啡，我的最佳选择就是直接去瑞幸门店购买，同时带上保温杯。外卖只有在买冰饮时可行，所谓的热饮，等外卖小哥到达已然成了温饮甚至常温饮，完全失去它们对我的吸引力。


除了咖啡机，投影仪买来没多久也成了摆设，因为画质比不上电脑和笔记本。至于移动硬盘，情况略有不同。刚开始用得还算频繁，不久后也成了闲置物，因为百度网盘的存在。在网盘上，影视剧纪录片可以直接保存直接观看，基本不用下载和传输。真要下载传输什么，高速上传下载和同步功能也够用了。再不济，同一空间里，电子设备还能网络共享呢。然而，移动硬盘是不会扔的，有些东西多加备份总归更安全些——我可以定期把一些在我看来经典有重温价值的文件保存到里面。

。。。。。。

蓝田日暖

"……那你在干什么！"

什么语气，我为什么要告诉你我在干什么，”总之我不回去。”我不等他回话，立刻挂断电话。我有些愤怒，一霎那又有些后悔，觉得自己反应过度，继而我又给自己解释：明明是对方先语气不善，我内疚个头。。。。。。

思绪就是如此，不加控制，就胡乱蔓延，每一条都理由灼灼。其实我知道原因何在，我对自由感和隐私这件事很敏感，当觉得别人想要控制我的自由，想要干涉我在做什么，想要对我的言行举止加以评价时，我比较容易不淡定。当然情绪稳定时，我还是能做到平静以待，但不想细说的决不会细说，没必要解释的则保持沉默，从对方嘴里传来的不符合我价值观的内容，则左耳朵进右耳朵出。

沉下心来想想，我既可以欣赏他人壮阔波澜的情绪世界，那么我也应该欣赏自己的。生气愤怒，总发生在我在乎的人事物上面，我不在乎的东西，怒气何来？我在乎自己的私人空间。我在乎自己的自由行动权。我在乎的是彼此尊重。我不喜欢的是意见强加。我不喜欢的是随意评价与指责。我不喜欢的是无休止的抱怨。我喜欢的是全身心投入于自己热爱的活动。我喜欢的是深深的欣赏。我喜欢的是脱口而出的好评。我喜欢的是精雕细琢、乐在其中的创作过程。我喜欢的是独特而饱满、具有美感的氛围，可以是喜悦的，也可以是悲伤的。我喜欢的是静中更显的自然音声，风声，树叶哗啦声，清脆鸟鸣声，隔壁楼里传出的笛声。。。。。。

比起不愉快的片段，最近这阵，填充我生活的大多是我真心喜欢的元素。不久的将来，我的生活中会出现一个新的人物，健康的，快乐的，软乎乎的，好奇满满的。她将尽情地用五感来探索这个世界，她会咯咯笑，她会模拟耳朵听到的各种声音，她会睁着闪亮的眼睛直直盯着你，仿佛要看透你的灵魂，用这世间最纯粹无瑕的眼神。她会从一帧帧的生活场景中，一段段的关系里，积蓄起自己的喜欢与不喜欢，享受当下的同时，也为未来做着扎实的准备。。。。。。

蓝田日暖

Okay。目标是？

高效炒出一盘能吃的菜，最好是美味的菜。

有一种思维模式是这么说的，你越擅长做什么，别人就越可能叫你做什么，所以致力于把它们做好是自找麻烦。这样的情况当然是存在的，这样的情况对于那些不懂得拒绝的人说也许是灾难性的。但，如果你不相信这些，你不是那种别人叫你干什么就干什么的人的话，你也可以把不那么愉快的场景转个调性。

我不得不做一件不喜欢的事。换种思维模式，这个看似板上钉钉的结论，可一步步变成更令人自己满意的故事：

但这是暂时的，我相信未来自己会拥有更多自由，更大的自主权。

眼下既决定了要做此事，就不妨物尽其用。我已经能看到其中的一些好处，这可以锻炼我的四肢，提升我的灵活度。借此机会，我可以有意识地增长一些技能，保不准以后能用上。我可以有意识训练自己的专注力和速度，尽可能快而好地完成这项工作。

有很多时候，我的确希望自己能够为他人提供一些切实的便利；而考虑到他人由此而获得的益处，我之前的不满可以稍减甚至消失，取而代之的可以是助人为乐的成就感。


抱着这样的心态，我做好了饭菜，确实高效地炒出了一盘美味的青菜，我比较满意，同时依旧清楚，在有选择的情况下，我还是不爱做饭，这样的场景越少越好。

蓝田日暖

At least...

WTF! I don't like this at all; I want this to go away right here and now. But, it's still here; and the more I push against it, the longer it stays. I know this for so long, and so impatience or anger doesn't work. I'd make the best of where I am. Or I'd let my mind wander in other places. I'd diffuse my negative emotion reacting to this thing I don't like.

At least, it wouldn't last long. Hours later, I am again gonna staying in a pleasing environment and freely doing what I like. I would be totally laid-back. I can close my eye and take a nap. I can sip hot green tea. I can fully enjoy the music. I can write something on my wps. I can watch an interesting drama of UDH. I can read my favorite books. I would be surrounded by all kinds of supprotive elements.

At least, here and now, I still spare time to sit before my computer and do some soothing in the form of thinking and writing. No one is actually ordering me to do things following strict rules. I get to do it mostly my way.

At least, I get to know more clearly that certain work in this world is just not my cup of tea. That's not true. Certain work would easily put me in strong negative emotional state, which means I'd try my best to reduce their existence in my life, of course in healthy manners.

At least, looking closely at my conditions, still I can count abundant blessings. I am healthy. Every part of my body works well for me. I feel comfortable instead of painful from head to toe. I walk fast. I type fast with my fingers on my computer keyboard. I see clearly. I hear clearly. I speak clearly. I easily recover from fatigue. I sleep well. Most of the daytime, I am clear-minded, flexible and energetic.

At least, I enjoy music. I am a music lover. I can easily find beautiful songs that please my ears and actually my whole being. Everyday, I'd favorite some new songs on netease cloud music app. Music is one of my most important companions. It will be forever in my life, playing the wonderful role.

At least, I keep on attracting interesting mind contents from fan fictions, music, movies, dramas, documentaries to cultural facts. Talented people are sharing their mastery art pieces. Audiences and readers and listeners are fully appreciating and enjoying their offerings. This is harmonic giving and receiving and returning. All parts get satisfied. What a cycle!

I have been exploring stories, settings/situations, characters, their intentions and motives, and the feelings or atmospheres specific scenes give to me. How fun! I get to savor the exquisite deliciousness of writers purposefully identifying the characters and letting them stay in character under different conditions. I was watching Inside No. 9: It's fun to watch closely and feel deeply every character, their personality traits and their intentions and motives. So, when her idol, a famous singer, died in her house tragically and unexpectedly, the hostess felt extremely sad and upset till the end. While her husband, not just being indifferent, intending to take advantage of his death because his fame might bring him big money from that blue balloon containing the last breath of this well-known singer. He had no affection whatsoever toward this singer; actually he belonged to those rare ones who thought about benefiting from such a tragical event. Though these people do exist and this is a drama, meaning dramatic, extreme, not that usual characters should often play important roles...

At least, most of my relationships are pleasing. We respect each other. We don't interfere with others' life. We have fun together. We lovingly talk. We willingly offer support and assitance. We speak nicely and kindlly...


As I said, I successfully make the best of where I am:

I've still got quite some freedom. My mind is free. My eyes are free. My ears are free. At first, I listened and enjoyed music. Then I began to watch live shows of Guzheng. My mind became excited, starting to explore the sense perceptions based upon the performance I was watching. It happened in a grand square in an European city. I observe and appreciate the light-colored but impressive ancient style buildings. It was a sunny day in winter because many auidence wore down jackets. Most men standing there were tall. Two bikes stopped and then a motor bike stopped... More and more people stopped to listen and feel, these otherworldly sounds emitting from this ancient instrument...

As my mind worked like this, satisfaction raised and I almost forgot that my hands were still doing the thing I previously almost loathed. Because my focus shifted mainly to what I favored.

蓝田日暖

Desired relationships/interactions:

Some scenes.

Key words: mutual respect and appreciation, harmony, aligned offering and receiving

I was asked to pick up my nephew. I felt happy to see him, and when we walked back home hand in hand, he began to happily tell me what he recently liked. I listened carefully and nodded. As we arrived at home, I gave him the pad upon which I just installed his favorite game--the bigger screen was better for his eyes. He sat next to me, playing, while I was doing something on my computer. From time to time, he would show me something interesting to observe, like a cool name of an animal figure. Both of us enjoyed what we were doing and then his parents came, bringing us hot beverages. As we sat at the table, my sister-in-law told my nephew that his pens were on their way and he just needed to be a little patient. They would arrive soon. Seeing that he was so frantic about the fun of unboxing Ultraman pens, she ordered several boxes of them online days ago. My mom is always a great cook and as usual, we enjoyed the meal and appreciated her willing devotion.

On bilibili, I subscribed a tenacious lover of a couple I am in love with too. She keeps on creating and sharing new videos about them, regardless of what is. We, she and the audience, are all very stubborn and persistent. I like this group. I subscribed her channel and favorite her video every time I see one, and write comments such as "How fun! Thank you so much for brightening up my day."

The girl has a beautiful smile on her face. She speaks softly. She makes wonderful coffee. She welcomes me with genuine happiness. I like her and always express my appreciation with simple words for what she has done for me. The atmosphere between us is gentle, lovely and comfortable.

We are wonderful matches. We appreciate each other and genuinely enjoy and benefit from what the others offer. All parts get satisfied. We co-create in harmony. We grow together, expanding and becoming more with pleasure, fun, creativity and inspirations. We are all lighthearted, having no desire to control each other and so when the time of separation comes, we go our own ways naturally with the best wishes for each other. While, we know we can still hang around from time to time, though not that frequently.

...

蓝田日暖

Why do I like ...?

The cafe: It is bright, comfy, perfectly spacious with nice temperature. It offers abundant sockets to charge my laptop and phone. It has free, stable and fast wi-fi so I have access to Unlimited Internet resources. Its fresh coffee tastes good and I like sipping it from time to time. The sound environment is really friendly, so I can focus upon own things or I can enjoy its aliveness with its soothing music and low voiced conversations from other tables. In this pleasing, supportive space, I get to do all kinds of interesting things without people or things bothering me. My mind is clear and refreshed. I immerse myself into the satisfaction of my now activity.

Coconut smooth latte from Luckin: It tastes wonderful. It brings pleasure to my taste buds. It accompanies me with its hotness and deliciousness when I am doing other things.

The bilibili and the vip: I find amazingly creative, impressive, beautiful mvs of the couples I like. I watch exquisitely made movies and dramas of UDH on this website. I watch Master of Medici, Inside No. 9, and The Durrells. I can download them into my phone and watch them at the poetic riverside. I appreciate those girls who spend time collecting information, analyzing and presenting beautiful, romantic stories to me. There are a lot of them on bilibili; I subscribe their channels and favorite their videos.

Netease Cloud Music software/app: What a long term, wonderful companion! I listen to its music every day with preferred sound effects. Most of my favorite songs could be enjoyed on it. Thanks to it, I am supported by resonating musical rhythms on a daily basis. I am now listening to Charlie Puth's albums.

This city: It is neat, safe, alive, abundant with continually improving public facilities and gentle, comforting natural scenes. I like its weather--most of the days are sunny. I like its poetic river sight especially at dusk, with the sunset glow behind the mountains. I like observing the silhouette of the fishing boat and feeling the breeze when it is still gentle to the skin.

...

蓝田日暖

A continual journey to love and freedom

Be honest with myself. There was few appreciation and love within my heart toward certain people now. Impatient, irritated and sometimes even loathing. Because I let life pulled me to look at them only through negative gazes. I did nothing, or almost nothing to bring my feelings back to the previous track. I had spent quite some time doing that and the relationship felt good for a long time, but even then I knew it's never a once-and-for-all thing. I was too lazy on these important subjects.

How can I jump from impatience/irritation/dislike to love? A wrong question. Too big a jump. I'd take it step by step, slowly, patiently. But I must make the decision to start it and being persistent. I'd appreciate every subtle improvement of my feelings along the way.

In my mind's eye, I see she was lovingly feeding the boy. She was independent, busy doing her own things. She has hobbies and spends time doing what she likes. She is happy and lighthearted singing through the mic. She knows how to enjoy herself. She knows my preferences about food and often cooks what I like such as beef and fried egg. She would genuinely appreciate other people. She would say, "Just give them time, they all would be good cooks." She likes sharing. She cares about the wellbeing of others. She shares money and snacks she makes herself with people she cares about. She can be extremely patient, allowing and loving. She co-creates well with her partner now, rarely quarrelling...

Most of my relationships are comfortable and pleasing. We respect each other. We speak to each other nicely. Most of the time, we are genuinely supporting and assiting each other. We focus upon each others' positive aspects. And then comes the great positive influence of some people who wouldn't treat you like you want them to. You just can't control them:

Whoa! I hate him/her. I am so badly treated by them. I don't want to meet them at all; I feel suffocated. I want freedom. How could I get out of this fu**king hell...

Then I was told the more I found the feeling of freedom, I would get more and more freedom in my physical life. Really? I had no other way to go but to diligently activate the feeling of freedom, especially when I was in a place and time wherewhen I could found it more easily. I did so much writing:

I have the freedom to think my throughts. I can picture free flowing scenes in my mind's eye. Here and now, I am not at the place where I felt tension; just look at the surrounding: it is bright, comfy, convnient; the sofa chair supports me so well and I get to sip delicious coffee from time to time. I can at any time put on my earphones and listen to my favorite songs. Actually time of this freedom takes up the majority of my day and night. I am gonna focus upon them more and more. When I feel tried or sleep, I can immediately take a nap. I decide what to do and when. I am treated well here. Girls here are  friendly and enjoying their work...

Instead of feelig worse and worse about my situation, about my desired freedom, I felt better and better every day. Then I discovered something interesting: We began to zig and zag. When I thought we had to be in the same space, they wouldn't show up because they had others going on. Wonderful! Seeming necessary meetings became less and less, meaning people who gave me pressure existed in my life scenes less and less. And sometimes when we met up, they shifted to be kind and nice...

Aha! These were some of the ways for me to get what I desire. Not focusing upon a hard problem, trying to wrestle it to the ground, to fight, or to try hard to change myself to prepare for the situation, but to enhance my desired feeling, letting the positive energy influence every aspect of my life. This was a very beneficial mind and emotion practice.

Thanks, people who were rude and controlling, you let me know, other than escaping or fighting back (though sometimes I resorted to this method too which could be powerful in some cases), I have other ways to face you which would bring me what I desire. I know better about how to deal with people and situations causing me negative emotions now. What freedom! So, thank you.

蓝田日暖

Appreciate New:

` I discovered two wonderful websites where I could read novels of my favorite characters. A lot of talented, passionate writers work there. One of the websites allows me to download these novels in different forms and I often prefer .pdf. While reading stories based upon ancient settings, I would be strongly pulled to search and learn the history of those times. Recently I get to know more about hanfu.

` I used one amazing function of Baidu Netdisc by accident, transcription/文稿. How beneficial! This is exactly what I like now. So with great affection, I let it transcribe for me a lot of speeches. Inspiring, guiding, worth repeatedly reading speeches/texts. Then I read, edit and make notes on those contents. It saves me time and energy. I get to better use them by spending them on what I like doing most.

` My mindbody becomes more multi-functional. I can do several things efficiently at the same time. I read novels, feeling my inner comments on the words, while my hands move fast to finish certain repetitive tasks. Because my main focus is put upon the novel I LIKE, I feel good instead of feeling bad because of the uninteresting thing my hands are doing. I love multitasking. I am getting better at it.

` I felt really good in the past two days and once again, I noticed my emotional shift toward certain people. When I am able to reach the strong positive emotional states, I become more secure, allowing and loving. Guardedness and defensiveness lessen or even subside. As a result, I have more harmony with people around me. And also it becomes easier for me to notice loveliness in other people. We have much better-feeling experiences together.

` I watched part of Medici The Magnificient. Lorenzo, the leading character in this drama and LDF in a Chinese drama lived at the same time, in the 15th century AD. But one was in Florence, and the other in the Ming dynasty. It's interesting to put them together in my mind's eye and observe their very different dressing styles. One wore tight-fitting trouserses and the other wore loose skirts/裳. One just let his hair be, while the other carefully put it ito a bun and wore a hat or Wang Jin. So different! I love this kind of varieties. It's interesting to browse through images about dress culture of abundant countries in the history.

...

蓝田日暖

从商场迈入一片空阔，空气清冷，明月高挂，我的视线被路旁的栾树所吸引。一棵年轻的栾树，所有枝叶聚集于顶，此刻在光照下，绿、黄、淡粉三色分明，如此立体，如此饱满，安静而蓬勃。我戴上耳塞，听缓慢而浪漫的Crush，音乐响起只片刻，栾树果叶微晃，摇曳起舞，仿佛此歌为它而放。

有那么一点点急，应该不算焦急，而是选择太多而导致的急：有好多事想做，接下去做什么呢？什么是其中会让我感觉最好的？那个吗？好像还行，但还是平淡了些。要不就。。。这个？或是选项三？挥散脑幕中的自问自答，随后安静自嘲，选择其实很简单，先选择感觉最好的，如果无法区分，择其一即可，不必再浪费时间，被选择综合症所奴役。可以看《星际迷航》系列电影，最近对这一独特的世界设定较感兴趣。

她做了我爱吃的：番茄炒蛋，红烧牛柳，炒青菜。吃到一半，她建议我做某件事，这样我就会快乐起来。我心情很好，她的话没有引起我的不悦，反而让我哈哈大笑——是真的觉得好笑。我怎么会把自己的快乐绑定在其他人身上呢？我什么时候需要别人来填补内心空洞了？最近常感觉有那么多事想做喜欢做，时间都不够用，我为什么要关注一件对我没有多大意义的事，还假设这会给我带来快乐，在我已经拥有许多快乐源泉的现实前提下。我向她简短表达了自己的看法后，立刻聪明地闭嘴了，因为我无意去挑战她那坚定的信念；略加思考后，我尽可能自然地把话题转向了他事。如此一来，尽管观点冲突，双方的心态还是相当平和，没有任何不快。接下去，就是各安己事，相互尊重，互不干扰。

。。。。。。

蓝田日暖

图省事，我本想搜索挂面的做法，但她不爱吃挂面。盯着流理台上的那把挂面几秒后，我决定改做饭，因为我也不爱吃挂面。兰州拉面馆里的炒拉面我还是爱吃的，但汤面，除了重口味的方便面，不管是挂面还是拉面，都难下口。

我爱做饭吗？还是不爱。我抗拒做饭吗？至少此刻，我没有；我只是把它当成一件需要做的事，而我的身体已经熟悉这些流程，所以我的头脑可以放空去其他我喜欢的地方。一心多用好处就在这儿。

有趣的是，尽管我的心思大半在他处，我依旧可以异常高效、有条不紊地开展每个步骤。我洗好青菜，记起之前某人对我的嘱咐，把青菜尽量往短了切；这次少放了些油，先放多水且慢熟的菜茎，差不多要出锅时才放菜叶。一般不用加水，但油实在放少了的话，就稍微加点水。为了保温，还是把出炉的青菜放在了电饭锅的蒸盖上，这对我们倒没影响，两人均不执着于脆感。第二道菜很简单，煎鸡蛋或者说炒鸡蛋。把鸡蛋表面洗干净后，打入碗里，加点盐，快速打散，下油锅，一分钟不到就可以盛出来了。有点好笑，虽然不爱做饭，但我好像每个步骤都没有敷衍，还略有思考，比如鸡蛋炒了再放盐搞不好炒不匀，到时吃出盐块就不爽了，于是我就直接把盐溶在了蛋液里。

忙活十五分到二十分钟，煮了饭，做了两个简单的菜，接下去发生的事就是：两分钟吃完。当然，我也可以细嚼慢咽，好好品尝，但这不是我的风格。家里有人捧着饭菜，看着手机，可以吃上很久很久，但我从来没这习惯。做饭，吃饭，洗碗，都可以成为类似机械的身体动作，只需要我一点点的注意力，就可以完成得很不错。比如，洗碗时间一定是我的听歌或思考时间，因为沉浸在比较愉悦的头脑活动中，所以碗再多我也不会厌烦，实际上我还会很耐心地擦干每只碗，归位，最后认真擦拭灶台。

这么说来，我不仅越来越擅长一心多用了，而且知道如何分配这颗心在不同事项上的比例以获得最佳的情绪反应。

蓝田日暖

Some words from the other pushed my button, making me angry. As the thought was going in a complicated direction, an Aha moment visited my heart: My immediate emotion was anger, not unworthiness, or self-loathing. Whoa! That's much better; much much better.

What did that mean anyway: I didn't agree with what he said at all and it felt to me that he thought I didn't deserve certain goodies, or life quality. He thought  I should settle for less. Those thoughts didn't jive with my usual thoughts at all, I was not in a stable state, and so I was immediately triggered to feel angry.

My anger lasted a little longer and I vented it by messing with objects around me. And then, a short while later, it subsided. And I waited for my mind to be stably calm and clear to explore it in a deeper manner.

` It seems logical and easy to think something as impossible based upon the reality and then settle for less. It's easy to be persuaded to think so when others keep expressing their opinions of you, suggesting you do this and that for your good. But this  is and will never be my path. I will find any way to continually believe in my dreams and hold onto them. I choose to feel worthy instead of unworthy. I keep on looking forward and moving forward instead of settling for less.

I noticed that today I was put too much attention upon this experience and it's time to again remember my worthiness and blessedness. I like the space I'am staying: bright, perfectly spacious, cormfy, convenient, abundant, gentle and lovely. My laptop works extremely well for me. I am healthy, clear-minded, flexible and energetic. My body allows me to easily focus upon and enjoy what I like. I read interesting novels written by passionate, inspired and talented writers. I have abundant free time to freely arrange my daily activities. I just take naps, fully supported, when I feel tired. I was easily attracted by interesting things. I search and read about them. I make the best of where I am. I, as much as I can, lay my attention upon lovely things and elements. I respect my unique desires, dreams and preferences, and deliberately enhance their strength so that I wouldn't be easily influenced by other people. Wonderful software/apps and websites play important roles in my life with their endless beauty, cuteness, originality/creativity, and actual functions.

` Go back a bit to the previous conversation with my now more lighthearted state of being: Okay. He has the freedom to express his opinions. He offered me a precious chance to deliberately enhance my belief and stubbornly hold onto my vision. He let me know that on certain subjects, we are not a match at all and so it's not a good idea for me to interact with him on those subjects. Not wise. I choose to look for and find other satisfying matches on those subjects. And I immediately found one who was a much better match. I still choose to appreciate him as much as I can by focusing uopn his positive aspects. I'm happy that most of the time, we are busy doing our own things, not bothering each other. While sometimes we have lighthearted conversations and interactions. I choose to think more of this kind of interactions: calm, lighthearted, respectful, allowing. Both of us have already demonstrated that we are already so oftentimes. And therefore, what I need to do, thought wise, is to PURELY focus upon good feeling interactions between us, and further more, I can when the timing is right, expect something new--after all, new positive changes are still possible for us.

蓝田日暖

一顿丰盛的午餐，花了女主人不少时间。大家坐定，开吃，难得一聚。女主人开口了，几秒钟一句话，气氛骤变。其他人均静默，如果心理活动能显形的话，可能大家都在翻白眼，深感无语。因为接下去的反应是可以预见的，这句话无异于一盆冷水浇在对方头上，本来心情还不错，他想着好好吃顿饭，现在胃口都下降了一大半，都不知道来干嘛。唇枪舌战开始，好在不算太严重，在场第三人终于忍不住了，大喝一声：好了！！好好吃饭不行吗？两人总算安静下来，余下几人的神魂也终于能归位，比较客观地品尝起了女主人费了不少精力烹制的美味佳肴。


另一种情形：

大家心情都挺好。今天女主人很乐意做饭，非常高兴见到儿孙，轻松愉快的氛围弥漫一室。期间，他们分享了小娃儿最近的趣事，大家听得津津有味。小娃儿沉浸在自己的世界里，一边吃饭，一遍脑子里想着什么，可能在想他最爱的游戏。她的菜受到好评，尤其是那盘尖椒牛柳。说起做饭，她少有的谦虚，对我们说烧得多了技术就变好了，比如以前厨艺很一般的几个亲戚，做的饭菜都越来越好吃了。也不知怎么的，我们谈到了一个明星，我朝她努努嘴：这位大姐追过他。家里这位追星族立刻兴奋起来，跑到一个房间里，拿出她的相册，给我们看起了她和那位明星的合照，说话的时候嘴角上扬，AK47都压不下来的那种。从来不是追星族的我们，因为她的存在，而开了眼界。而这个世界，恰恰因为人们的个性不同，热情不同，兴趣爱好不同，而变得更加有趣。相册还没有看完，小娃儿跳到我身边，手舞足蹈，嘿嘿做声，开始说一些我听不懂的术语。我看向他，盯着他快乐的眼睛，问他：告诉我，你现在脑子里在想什么？不用回答，我已知道他的脑屏上正放着特别精彩的画面，乃至于他要用身体来表达这种兴奋。我只是想要听他用更清晰的词句来描绘他所喜欢的，我想多了解一些他的喜好。

蓝田日暖

My abundance: I visited several bank apps. And one told me that I could get one-month vip of bilibili TV with one yuan. So cheap, and of course I immediately payed for the vip. Another bank app gave me a birthday disount I could use buying anything through Wechat. And I bought a cup of hot coconut smooth latte, and two pieces of stuffed cake in Luckin and they only cost me 9.5 yuan. On and on, I have been getting satisfying products and services--such as vip of Netease Cloud Music, Baidu Netdisc, Bilibili app, Costa coffee and bread, etc.--with much cheaper prices. And all these discounts, coupons and bonuses are evidence of my abundance and I appreciate them.

Relationships: I am well treated. I meet nice, kind, respectful, lighthearted, happy people. I have harmony with people. We co-create with each other wonderfully. We genuinely appreciate the offerings from each other. We have fun conversations. We brainstorm openly under the same intention. We understand, allow, support, inspire and enhance each other. We get to practice unconditional stableness when others don't feel good. We get to deliberately focus upon and strengthen our desires and our belief in our desires/dreams regardless of what others say. Their different opinions are a beneficial reminder of the importance of our being a persistent dreamer. So we can make the best of others' opinions weather they jive with our opinions or not.

We are genuine; we don't cheat malicously. We have same interests so we can have wonderful conversations on and on, or we can co-create happily within these areas because they are what we all like. We understand, allow, soothe, encourage, praise, believe persistently. We have fun, lighthearted, informative, interesting, exciting, and/or inspiring conversations. We respect, appreciate and love--instead of blame, jealousy, anger, impatience, irritation, hatred, or fear; no harsh words, no pressure, no threats, no superiority or inferiority. But lighthearted, happy, smiling, cute, alive, holding hands, patting shoulders, laughing, bright eyes and excited minds, heads together, jokes, Aha! moments, creative ideas, inspirations, joy, widsom...

蓝田日暖

奇怪，我好像从没见过这些树呢，在夜色下格外鲜活。修长的枝杈斜着向外伸展，有序排布，360度环绕着主干。枝头继续开衩，最外围的每个枝头上都挂着白色的小绒球，我叫不出名字的雪色小花，不密不疏，匀称地装饰着整个树冠。树叶极少，只有几颗心，零散而随意地飘荡。背景中的江面粼粼波动，映着一条条鲜艳的光带，是高楼大厦夜灯的倒影。不大的码头上泊着十几艘小渔船，船上的男人女人卖完鱼补好网后，和绝大部分现代人一样，做着低头族刷着手机。岸边的小径上，贵宾和柯基，一左一右，优哉游哉，走走停停，闻嗅世界。钓鱼佬安静守着几根吊杆，表面淡然，内心不平：新手保护期已过，害怕今天会空手而归。扎着丸子头的姑娘正在栏杆上压腿，她清瘦而结实，穿着紧身运动服，漏出一截紧致的肚腹，装备齐全，护膝戴着，降噪耳机中正播放着节奏合宜的轻音乐。。。。。。

赏完景，回程时又开始一心多用，网易云放着背景乐，浏览器打开小说。依旧没有吸取教训，“误”跳了一个坑，坑尾太太难过的真情流露带来一丝悲伤。故事已经有了大纲，发展的脉络也已成型，只缺细节，以及填补这些细节的心情和时间，但她正缺心情和时间，只好忍痛割爱。她为不能做自己喜欢的事而难过。她的疲于奔命，也让我有了些许难过。我依旧希望她能在不久的将来，找到合适的心情与时间，让那些细节成为实在的文字，因为她配得这些，她应该做自己喜欢的事。

《美第奇家族》全部看完了。期间停下，尝试看一部穿越题材的韩国浪漫轻喜剧，看到第三集，内心还是波澜不惊，尽管男女主已经在柔缓的音乐声中定格多次，四目相对多次，而我的脑屏中却总是煞风景地闪现两个字：老套。我只能回去看《美第奇家族》，虽然它一点都不轻喜。但，它有比较精彩的群像戏。到现在我都记得朱利亚诺死时不同亲人的反应，尤其记得他的母亲。她眼睁睁看着自己的儿子被一刀刀刺穿，血流满地，极度痛心，无边癫狂，却只能吼出一声声撕心裂肺的“My boy!”

蓝田日暖

Good feeling thoughts:

I get abundant free time to explore what I am interested. I listened to guitar solo, bass solo, piano solo and then two songs with interesting lyrics. I was browsing through the comment sector under one of Langlang's performances, glad to read those passionate appreciative words from audiences all over the world. They let me know clearly why they liked the performance: some were totally amazed at Langlang's superb artistry--How can he play such a difficult piece with such ease? Some enjoyed his devotion and happiness in the playing, though his facial expressions seemed to irritate some people. As for me, it's like I was collecting useful information about an area I was not familiar with. And I value their thoughtful words.

My eyes love beautiful objects, be they human faces or architecture. When I was watching the series Medici, I would observe very carefully the settings: cathedrals, chapels, frescos, candlesticks, sculptures, and different clothes people wore. After getting the general feelings of them, I then would try to express their uniqueness with words--I searched and experimented and then might or not find the perfect words to describe them. For me, it's an enlivening mind game.


She is happy, cute, beautiful, and robust, full of curiosity. She is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Like a sponge, she keeps on absorbing what excite her in the surroundings. She giggles, revealing her dimple on the left side. She fixates on the phone where beautiful sounds emit. She grabs my index finger tightly, exploring my face with her sparkling eyes. She has thick, silky black hair. Love showers upon her; abundant people take care of her.


Standing in the small space in this Luckin, I asked the girl: "Is this coffee sweet without adding any sugar?" This coffee was newly coming out, so I didn't know weather I should choose to get extra sugar or not, though I had already asked for half sugar online. Just then, a girl sitting there smiled and answered my question: "It is already sweet. I am drinking it." What?! "Then half sugar must be too sweet for me." She nodded, "Absolutely. It would be too sweet." At that moment, I understood that we had similar preferences for sugar in beverages--a little sweet is enough for us.

...

蓝田日暖

I was reading something about cdrama. I must be in a very good mood, though I just read novels emanating sadness, because I was easily triggered into loud laughter by the words the author used to express her shock when the subtitle team translated "Yes/是" to "Okey dokey" in a serious scenario. Another girl seconded it by saying the AI translator showed her a lot of "horse," "gallop" sorta things, because one of the lead roles has the last name 马, in the drama The Long Season.  One thing led to another, just as I decided to leave the forum, I discovered the third post putting a big smile on my face. Watching My Journey to You, the girl looked at the main character who was gazing at a square black handkerchief in his hands, she couldn't resist the tempatation to PS it, because it was so so like that he was using an Ipad. And, she did, she immediately PSed that handkerchief into the modern equipment. Then, she got confused and shocked: What am I doing with my time? Jesus...

He was standing on his colleague's right. The cap covered part of his face, but his head could be clearly seen tilt toward the left bottom and get fixated. As the one he was observing raised the head, he slightly shook his head and then the other immediately turned back. It seemed that he also averted his eyes, but it only lasted seconds. Again, his attention went back to where it seemed to belong... Um, it's about the feel, the atmosphere, the mysterious concept and reality of destiny... Neither said anything, but their expressions and behaviors spoke loudly, given the background, to the fans, the fans who were already so creative and original in analyzing and imagining. At least, I got strong satisfaction in watching such a beautiful quiet scene.

What are extremely important to you, to me, to him, to her, to us...? I can only speak for myself. Always, so clear, that things others value so highly may rarely exist in my life because I am not interested, and vice versa--others may hold an antipathy toward things I like. For me, music is extremely important; it accompanies me every day. Interesting stories, be they funny, sad, suspensive, or romantic, play an important role in my life. Lots of things I like are done on/through electronic products, so the laptop, the smartphone, the headphones/earphones, and software/apps for storing and transferring large files are of great importance to me. Websites/apps providing me with movies, dramas and documentaries of 4k/UHD/HD are important to me; usually I go to iqiyi and bilibili. The time and space in which no one bothers me is very important to me, for I like spending a long period of time with a focused mind upon certain things like reading, writing, watching and feeling, ponderfing, etc. However, as a human being living in the society, the ability to quickly go back to what I like, to my desired states of being, to a clear and effective mind, is extremely important to me. The ability to, as quickly as I can, calm my mind and body from conflict with other people. Or to cleverly put my attention so that I can still enjoy myself though my hands are doing something boring. My thermos is important to me, because I like sipping HOT coffee every day.

蓝田日暖

I watched some news and some pieces of horrible stories about relationships--key words: PUA, NPD.

All of them let me know more clearly what I desire on relationships:

Respect oneself. Do anything to be confident. Moments of superiority or inferiority are not what I am gonna focus upon, let alone emphasizing them. Because when that happened, I was definitely not in a pure, good-feeling mood, a state of being I truly desire. And then, when others feel superior or inferior to me, be careful and don't buy into that, because they are not in pure, good feeling, loving, and confident states either. Be very careful when others think that you owe them, or you should do certain things for them, no matter how logical or reasonable they seem to be. I don't like at all relationships based upon these, so at least mentally I just don't buy into them. And more and more, I become selfish enough to let myself say no, to immediately turn my attention to other subjects, not letting them influence my emotions and belief in desired relationships and interactions.

List the details of the relationships you truly like and let them be more and more familiar to you and then simultaneously, opposite relationships would be so obvious that you would more easily discover and say, "Hey! This is not right for me. These words don't feel good at all. It's not the type of interactions I want at all. There is no mutual respect. There is no taking full responsibility for one's own life. There is throwing all wrongness to other people and therefore becoming weak oneself. There is the desire to control. There is jealousy and therefore lack of confidence that he/she can also have what others have. There is great dependence, wanting you to be always there to support and please..." Then, you have more beneficial data to make your own decisions. You are not easily persuaded and think that you should be responsible for others' happiness because this is a thing only they can do--their thought and perspectives and intentions decide weather they are happy or not. You don't want your relationships to get built upon sacrificing to fulfill the other and then getting back what you need from them--this almost always causes troubles...

Practice appreciation of self and others genuinely--meaning, you appreciate what you TRULY like/what feel good to you, instead of things that are often defined as good or right, while actually you don't like or feel no interested at all. Such as:

I appreciate you, because you as someone tough in my life, giving me the precious opportunity to be independent, to respect myself as much as I can under all kinds of conditions, and to cleverly search and find ways to deal with difficult situations and still keep confident instead of being a weak plant who can only stay in the greenhouse. You did, at a time, cause me to focus and diligently search and then find methods to feel free even in very harsh situations. And this ability still helps me on all fronts of my life. And now, from time to time, you are still the one who causes me to focus, to remember what's most important to me, to re-discover my self-empowerment. So, thank you.

I appreciate you, because you are a happy people who can so eaisly smile and laugh. You can easily brighten up the atmosphere. You are such as gentle, loving mom. You are beautiful and have the similar sense of humor with your husband and therefore you two make a wonderful, joyful couple. You share several interests and therefore you can have meaningful and interesting conversations with each other and you can sit together, watching a basketball game with excitement. You respect other people, never using any harsh words in conversations. People feel very comfortable sitting with you.

I appreciate you. You enjoy your work. You welcome me with a big smile. You speak softly with a beautiful voice. You happily answer every question of mine. You keep this space neat, orderly and alive. You are mindful when making the coffee. And, I so like the coffee you make. You are a wonderful barista.

I appreciate you. You are so beautiful, cute, funny and passionate about life. You keep on following what truly interest you. You know how to focus your mind and attention to feel good. You mind is moving fast in a positive way. You share so happily even when we are not listening. You are acutally our amazing teacher, teaching us how to live our lives in a more lighthearted, carefree, and fulfilling way. Words from your mouth sometimes are so funny and hilarious, filling the whole room with contagious laughter.

I appreciate you. You become more and more mature in your perspectives of life. Compared to people of your age, you at a early age, already knew what you prefered more and then just persued it. You didn't choose to stay in the rut; instead, you chose to adventure. You decided to persue a more free, and often seeming more dangerous to other people, career and life style. Step by step, you figure our better ways to make your career and life work for you. You respect other people. You speak gently most of the time. And you insist on your own perspective when others oppose you; you are never a person others can easily persuade which actually is a good thing for you most of the time. You have your own unique sense of humor and often make people laugh. You like watching funny movies and then laugh out loud. You know how to make yourself happy. You are a loving father. You can be very devoted, focused, caring and loving when you are with your kid. You cause people around you to be more independent instead of depend upon you because they just can't change you into what they want you to be. What a gem you are to them!


...

蓝田日暖

Make the best of where I am

Most of the time, I stay where I like. The bright, perfectly spacious, convenient, resource-full, lighthearted space where I can fully focus my mind and do what I like. I can breathe deeply, and ponder upon life subjects of great importance to me. I do things which interest, please or even excite my mind. I listen to right songs at the right time and now I am listening to Straykids' powerful songs. I know what I like, and I explore what kinds of scenarios I would like or maybe not that much. My life keeps on expanding and shifting and on a daily basis, I would like to get new clarity of myself, about my desires, preferences, and dreams. When I get impatient, I notice that, and then slow down, quiet my mind, and deliberately turn my attention to lighthearted thoughts or activities, waiting for solutions to come to me and they do, they do.

When my buttons are pushed in certain situations, instead of getting irritated, blaming, or even feeling like a victim, I would like to be more responsible for my own life. Some parts are temporary. They would not last long, so what would I feel then? Then, the morning time would be more quiet and delicious. It would be conducive for me to really quiet my mind in the early morning, and get a good start for the day. I feel clear, light, and eager about what's next. Before that, I would continually use my earphones and music to create a better sound environment for myself. I'd do it in a more efficient way, as soon as some conversation happens, I could quickly resort to music--this really helps. I am making the best of music.

When I have to do what I don't like. I choose to slow down my thought, getting quiet and thinking about ways to make the time of doing these things feel better to me. And, multitasking kicks in. I cook and ENJOY MUSIC. I cook and PONDER UPON THINGS THAT ARE INTERESTING TO ME. I READ NOVELS, captivated by the plots, while my hands efficiently and "blindly" move to finish certain tasks. My main focus is upon music, or interesting thoughts, or mind-exciting novels, so I feel good instead of getting irritated or impatient by the things my hands are doing.

From time to time, I can look at the parts in my reality that don't feel good to me and know what I truly desire, what I newly want to experience, and what kinds of limited thoughts and beliefs I'd better shift from now. I like that we are all independent, busy doing our own things, and hang around with each other from time to time in good-feeling modes. We respect each other and speak nicely, not using harsh words. We allow, believe and appreciate instead of blaming, complaining and predicting negative stories in future. We have fun with each other. We are funny. We talk jokes and really get these jokes. We focus upon stubbornly positive aspects of each other. We diligently look for and find loveliness in each other. We co-work happily and efficiently toward the same intentions. We willingly share, give, and offer with satisfaction. We accept happily what others offer willingly with pure appreciation, without any inferiority. Lightheartedness fill in the space between the offerers and the receivers...

蓝田日暖

The best feeling thoughts I can find now:

I like making the best of where I am. And knowing what I like helps a lot. I know I like a conducive sound environment. I like hot delicious coffee. I like having abundant free time to do what I like on my computer/laptop. I like that my laptop, smartphone, and earphones work extremely well for me on and on--meaning electricity, sockets or a portable charger should be available. So, yesterday, I enjoyed my time in the space that previously might be a little frustrating. But, yesterday, when the element of not being bothered by people around me was ready, I still got to fully invest my energy on things I like. In the shared space, we are busy doing our own things, not bothering each other, and so it felt like I was in my delicious solitude, freely arranging and carrying out my own stuff without any interference, which I really prefer most of the time.

I watched a high quality movie Howards End. I liked the deliberately and exquisitely designed settings during the early days of 20th century in England. I liked these talented actors, from Emma Thompson to Anthony Hopkins. I liked that characters in this movie were quite clear, well defined, allowing me to see abundant aspects of human beings: The poor young man lived from hand to mouth, but still held a heart for beauty, for adventure, for poetry, and for deep connection. The typical businessman  who was very sure of his perspectives of the world, life and humanity, who didn't see any meaning in pitying the poor. Who calculated and made the most economically beneficial decisions. The hotheaded younger sister who insisted on doing things seen irrational to other people, but just didn't regret what she had done, a very tenacious, unctrollable being. Without reading the original novel, there were still confusion and questions in my mind as I was watching. I was often curious about the motives behind their certain actions or behaviors. It seemed to me there were a lot of compromising going on in the female lead...

In the past, I had accummulated quite some hobbies, they might be dormant for some time, but as the timing is right, I can easily re-activate them and enjoy them again. Days ago, I was inspired to listened to an audio drama, a superb one. Both voice actors and the whole crew turned the novel/script into a masterpiece, OUT of LOVE. There was a time I had written pages and pages of my appreciation toward these creations and these talented voice actors, directors, scriptwriters and editors. I appreciate the vivid beauty and attraction of human voices. I identified the vocal timbres I preferred most. I listen and feel the expressing skills of the actors. I downloaded and looped the OPs and EDs. I felt so good in filling my heart with strong appreciation.

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