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(Sorry, I cannot type Chinese.) My older daughter was born in US and she is 5 and half years old now. This coming fall she will be in kindergarden. Up to now, she only went half day pre-K. After school, she stayed at home with me, my husband and her younger sister. During the afternoon, our whole family will go outside to have about two-hour quality time. Her personality is very easygoing, sensitive and obedient and more mature than her age. The reason I need help here is not because there is any problem for my daughter's personalty. She is an emotionally and intellectually healthy girl.
Several days ago, she mentioned to me something bothered her during the past year.
The following is our conversation:
D: Mum, Why I did not have any best best friends in Pre - K class. I hope I could have hundreds of best friends.
M: I know you like friends. Friends are very important in our life.
D: I feel they didnot like me. ( Tell you the truth, I did not feel good when I heard it.)
M: You feel they did not like you and did not want to play with you.
D: No. Some of them wanted to be my friends. But I did not want to play the way they played. So I refused. I wanted to play Pretend-to-be baby with Belly. But when I asked her if she wanted to play with me. She did not even want to talk to me. She acted like she did not like me.
M: When you wanted to play with her, her response made you feel sad. You are sure she got your meaning (I know I shouldn't ask this way.)
D: Yeah, she did not say ' Could you say it again?'. She just acted like I was nobody. ( Now, I feel sad about it too.) Mum, I like school. How can I approach them and let them play with me? Every time when they talk to me, I listen very carefully and I was very nice to them. Why when I wanted to talk to them, they didn't want to listen.
She is very sad about it. Me too.
Actually her communication skill and her personality make her a very good playmate. She is respectful, patient and nice. She never had any similar problem when she played with other Chinese children. She could approach other Chinese kids easily and had lots of fun. But at school Asian is minority and plus her English is not so good. she seems having some difficulty to approach or to find American friends. (There are only three Asain girls, my daughter, two Koren girls. One of the Koren girl liked my daughter very much and always followed her and played with her. The girl's mum also told me her daughter liked my daughter most in the class. When I asked my daughter, she told me the girl is only her playmate not her best friend.) She seems not very satisfied with current situation. And obviously, her definition of friends is more than that of her age.
My concern are below:
Is this already a big issue or not? We should involved to help her or wait for her to learn to deal with it?
If I should help her, how I can help my daughter get more involved with her wanted classmates? (She always talks softly. When the kids are cray playing, it is hard to get the attention.)
Our family background is: after school or work, almost all of our friends are from Asian. I and my husband are not social animals. Her personality is very like us. We don't feel there is any wrong with the personality but obviously we don't want our daughter to be separated from other American kids since she will stay here for her life. So please please help me and let me know what you think about it.
Thanks a lot! |
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